nature doesnt owe us a rush for growth.
i watch the lillies day after day i had first bought them for myself. i scratch my head, thump my feet rhythmically and sigh in frustration, asking WHEN will they bloom. before the days of watching teaches me a lesson. i read by the lillies, place them away from the harsh sun, drink my coffee and eat my sweets, waiting. i write in my book (when i remember to), make sure to stay restful, and plan this shoot - the days forcing me to add on notes, take away notes, and again i am waiting. and during this time, i take the pure satisfaction of seeing them from green. to slight pale purples and pinks. to slowly the lips of the petals begin to turn. in just moments the waiting has brought me fruition, but in more ways than one.
slowness isnt a weakness. taking its time to grow isnt a weakness. letting things happen in its due pace isnt a weakness. sometimes things NEED time to grow, and i NEED to accept the slowness that it brings. only then does blooming become all the more worth it. i cant see my petals changing, i barely notice when my hair has grown so much since my last haircut. i dont notice my resilience building, i think ive had to always push through so this is what im used to. i dont notice my growth, i think i choose the same men, i choose the same relationship with my mom since childhood, i choose the same patterns of loneliness. And i am always waiting for myself to be in FULL BLOOM.
but the full bloom isnt the main goal, its the in between. its the inner work inside the flowers that can even make the bloom happen. but only in her own terms, with her own strength, at no ones pace but her own. i cant see the work always but i know that I am always ever so slowly growing. with every hard step. every painful growing period. i grow and bloom and die and it all starts again. and that really makes flourishing all the more sweet.
thank u nature for always being an inspiration to this woman. and inspiring this soft and cozy shoot of herself, the light between them and her flowers that she (happily) watched grow.
and then comes death, such is the full circle! but thats another shoot for another day.
